Self-love. We all may have it at varying degrees. It may falter day to day depending on the circumstances each day brings, and whether or not those things cause us to question our validity or self-worth. At the end of the day, I think it’s important to be kind to ourselves and also with others. The two are intrinsically linked…how we speak to ourselves, treat ourselves, and love ourselves will determine the depth of that which we give to others. This is why you hear so often “love yourself first” and it’s true. But it’s also why you should never settle in continuing to get to know yourself and the things that set your soul on fire. Because when you’re in those depths of your soul, listening clearly to every beat of your heart…that self-love grows stronger. You will have more confidence and clarity around who you are and that will safeguard you against those days when your self-worth is questioned.
Continuing to go deeper with your self love will allow for deeper relationships with others. Also, realize this is a two-way street when it comes to other people. It’s crucial to remember this when you are setting expectations for another person. They will only ever be able to give you the same kind of attention, love, and respect that they give themselves. These things aren’t always clear, and in fact they are generally more vague because they aren’t the kind of character traits people flash in front of your face. There are caveats to this of of course, because it’s obvious with people who are especially hurt and/or damaged for whatever reason. Something or someone has hurt them and in turn, they hurt others intentionally. Those are easier to spot. But we all carry different pain points, and so in your dealings with other people, remember that it’s not always going to be obvious how much love they have for themselves. It’s not always going to be easy to know what battles they’re fighting.
Ultimately, you must place your self-worth solely on you and your own heart and not on how much someone else loves you. It’s a mistake that so many of us make and another reason why loving yourself first is imperative. It’s not selfish…and in fact it’s the opposite. Because until you can love yourself first, truly love yourself, you will never fully give that to someone else. And you have a lot to give! It could only be selfish to not afford someone that beautiful opportunity to be so loved by you.
True self-love can only be attained by the understanding that you are enough, no matter where you are in your life. No matter how many goals you’ve achieved or not, no matter if you’re living out your wildest dreams or not, heck even if you got out of your PJs today or not; you are enough because of who you are aside from the achievements, the material things, or the goal-driven status symbols. Like I mentioned earlier, continue to get to know yourself but love yourself at every stage. This life is a journey and you don’t love yourself only at the end of that journey, but rather through it all. That is where character is built. Don’t let the world tell you that you should be one way. Do more of the things that you love. Your life should be your passion project. Be who you are. Unbridle your spirit. I think that is at the heart of what self-love really is…it’s knowing that regardless of anything else, that you are enough.
When you stop questioning your value because you have a firm grasp on who you are and the beautiful gifts you have to give, you can really make an impact on the world around you. You can meet total strangers with a smile. You can show kindness, patience, and encouragement. You can brighten the day of each person you come in contact with. But you must always give to yourself those same generosities. You must love yourself on a mental, emotional, and physical level. You cannot tear yourself down with negative self talk if you think your body doesn’t look a certain way that society has deemed worthy. You cannot give yourself a hard time when you feel emotions beyond pure happiness. There is nothing wrong with feeling down sometimes, it’s a part of life. But it’s your heart trying to tell you something. Lean into what is causing it and try to pinpoint what it is…is it something you can fix? Dissonance will cause an uneasiness for most of us, so if we can dig deeper into the root we can not only try to come out on the other side, but we will have completed another practice in the act of getting to know ourselves. And the next time something like that happens, we will be more in tune with what our heart is trying to tell us.
So on this Valentine’s Day or on any day, no matter where you are in your relationship with yourself or with another person, know that you can start right now, right this very instant, becoming who you want to be. Loving ourselves each and every day can be a challenge, but it’s one that’s worthwhile. We are human. We are going to falter. We are going to make mistakes. Those flaws are what make us real. But how we respond, how we better ourselves…that is what is all about. Because only what we give ourselves will we really be able to give others. We must start with ourselves.
And what a beautiful world this would be, if at every turn, and with everyone including ourselves, we let our love and kindness rule.
xo,
Bess
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