Emma’s Birth Story

This post is going to be really long because I want to document every detail I can so I can remember it all!  So get comfy and enjoy the post! Thank you for reading <3

I have been looking forward to writing Emma’s birth story since I found out I was pregnant.  The excitement and anticipation of meeting Emma and what that day would look like was something I thought about every single day.  In addition to that, I spent the 9 months of being pregnant with her learning and researching about pregnancy and birth, listening to all the birth podcasts that I could just so I could be informed about what to generally expect and what I’d want in an “ideal situation” for my own labor and delivery.

I never wrote up a “birth plan”.  I know too many things with birth are out of your control to have a plan, I more so just had hopes of what I wanted to have happen.  If you’ve read my other pregnancy posts you know I was hoping to have an unmedicated birth and go into labor spontaneously.  Other than that I didn’t have a crazy long list of things I wanted, but I hoped I could have an unmedicated birth most of all…but held space in my head that no matter what preparation I did, things typically don’t go “as planned” with birth and so ultimately so long as I had a healthy baby at the end of it, everything would be alright.

My 40 week due date of July 17th, 2019 came and went, which was a Wednesday.  So on the following Friday, Craig and I had a non-stress test at the doc to make sure baby was doing okay.  She looked great and therefore the doctor said she felt comfortable with me continuing to stay pregnant which was good, but I did decide I would go ahead and schedule an induction for 42 weeks since that is as long as my practice will let you go (and to be honest I’m not sure I’d want to go past that!).  After the appointment we went to a brewery in South End (I got water and fried cauliflower nuggets because #alwayshungry while Craig enjoyed a couple beers) and we made plans to just have a fun weekend doing things together around Charlotte.

We started Saturday morning with breakfast at Famous Toastery… I got a blueberry pancake with a side of scrambled eggs and turkey bacon.  It was so good!  Then we headed home and went for just under a 4 mile walk on the greenway.  I planned for us to walk out 2 miles then turn around and come back, but around mile 1.75 I was feeling really crampy and getting what felt similar to my Braxton Hicks contractions, but something felt different about them.  I told Craig I wanted to go ahead and turn around to head home just in case.

Things seemed okay once we got home, and our next plan on the agenda was to go FINALLY see the new Avengers Endgame movie at the 1:15pm showing.  It was a super hot sunny day, so sitting in the AC watching a movie seemed like a good idea for the afternoon!  In the car ride over I felt more of the cramps but again, it was similar to the Braxton Hicks I had experienced my whole pregnancy…just slightly more uncomfortable.  We joked about me going into labor in the movie and having to leave before the ending since we were finally seeing it 😉

Sitting in those movie chairs, even the nice recliner ones this theater has, was really awful.  I was so uncomfortable for all 3 hours.  I paid attention to what they felt like and I was pretty certain these were really labor contractions (albeit very EARLY ones because I wasn’t in pain, just uncomfortable). I texted Melissa, my doula, and let her know what was going on and that the contractions seemed to be happening about every 5 minutes but the intensity wasn’t too bad.  She said this could be something, but just to hang out at the movie and let that be a distraction and to check in with her when we got home.

So that’s what we did!  We got home around 5pm and the contractions kept happening every 5 minutes.  I took a shower and washed my hair just to relax and pass some time.  Around 6pm the intensity seemed to be getting stronger but I could still walk and talk through them but it was getting harder.  Craig started timing the contractions so we could just be aware of where we were.  I’m a little iffy on the time frame at this point but somewhere between 6-8pm they got to be 3 minutes apart, lasting for a minute each, and gradually got stronger and stronger.  I was really feeling them in my low back and in my hips, but it wasn’t too bad in my uterus area.  That came later!  We made some pasta so I could try to eat something before we left for the hospital and I forced myself to eat a bowl of it.  It was literally just penne pasta with a little olive oil.  I definitely recommend a bland meal in this scenario because there’s a good chance you’ll see this food again (which I did…more on that in a minute). Melissa told me to call the hospital and let them hear me have a contraction and she and the nurse on the line both felt it was a good idea to go ahead and come into the hospital.  Craig had already packed the car so we said bye to Maverick and headed out around 8pm or so.

We arrived at the hospital around 8:20/8:30ish and I was checked into triage.

They checked me and I was at 6cm dilated, which sounded awesome to me!  I had been at 3cm for so long (like weeks) so having made 3 more cm of progress just through my day was exciting to me.  It felt like it was all going to happen really fast.  We got checked into a big, beautiful labor & delivery suite (that had a bathtub, yay!) and got settled in.  The best part about all of this was that we found out that my beloved Dr. Stein was on that night!!  I was so excited to hear that because we had seen her for most all of my appointments and it’s really just luck of the draw who you get when you go into labor.  I felt like Emma intentionally waited a bit past her due date so Dr. Stein could deliver her 🙂

My contractions were really starting to be very intense and I’ll be honest, they hurt.  I tried to reframe the pain to think they are just intense sensations, and I worked through them I think really well for a while with deep breaths.  After one of the first few contractions I had in the room, I threw up.  I wasn’t nauseous thankfully but the urge to throw up would just come out of nowhere.  The pain was definitely escalating but I was still just trying to focus on one contraction at a time.

Again I’m a little iffy on when it was but Dr. Stein checked me again at one point and said I was about at an 8cm and I felt good about that!

I thought I would like laboring on the ball but I didn’t at all.  I should also say, going to the bathroom while laboring was AWFUL.  One of the worst things.  Some women like to labor on the toliet, but I could barely sit down to pee.  I was basically having to go standing up because it just made the pain so intense for some reason.  The deep squat position for a while felt the best during contractions, but eventually my hips started really aching in that position.  I asked to get into the tub so Melissa drew the water and Craig helped me to get in.  This felt really nice for about 30 minutes in the warm water with the jets hitting my back, but then eventually that, too, lost its effect.

I got out of the tub and went back to the bed and tried to labor on hands and knees with my face in my pillow, and then I laid on my side for a while.  I was getting REALLY exhausted at this point, because even though it had only been a few hours, my contractions never really came down to give me a break between to rest.  My back and hips stayed tight throughout and I just felt like I never got any relief so laying on my side was just my way of trying to rest despite that.  I continued to throw up off and on and I was convulsing so badly.  Your body shakes with all the hormones and throwing up can just be your body’s response to pain so I was having both of those things.

At some point my mom & dad came in, and I was in the thick of these deep contractions and was really reaching my breaking point with laboring naturally. I think they stayed for a bit before going back to the waiting room so I could get checked again.  Details are fuzzy and my eyes were closed a lot of the time.

I wasn’t paying attention to what time it was, but a few hours had passed and I started asking if I could get checked again because I felt like I needed some reinforcement that what I was doing was continuing to progress my dilation.  I was starting to get really fatigued.  The nurse checked me again and said no further progress from the last check.  I tried to stay positive but really I knew I needed that update that I was still progressing to help me keep going.  I think I may have gone through another few contractions before I told Craig our epidural code word (that I was only going to say the word when I really was serious that I needed it)…he asked me if I was sure and I said it again.  So my nurse called for it for me and I think it was maybe another 20-30 minutes before the anesthesiologist came in.  I don’t think I could have gone much longer without it.

Side note: you often hear people compare childbirth to running a marathon.  In my opinion, you can’t even make a comparison in difficulty.  Having run a marathon and now given birth…childbirth was WAY harder.  You have control during a marathon of how hard you push yourself, if you stop, if you take breaks, go slower, etc.  You don’t have a choice to take a break during labor.  Just my experience!

In my brain I fought for a while over if I should get it…would I regret it? I had tried to prepare all pregnancy for this moment of pushing past where you think you can to get to the other side medication-free, but I also realized that I was not enjoying the birth process.  In fact with every contraction I was starting to unravel little by little, I was crying by the end of them.  The idea of enjoying the birth wasn’t something I felt I really explored beforehand.  Obviously childbirth is hard and it hurts.  I think it hurts different women to different degrees which is why you should never compare your journey to anyone else’s.  But once I realized that I was hating where I was, I wanted to change the dynamic.  Looking back now, I think a large part of the reason I wanted an unmedicated birth was because I felt like if I was more in control that I would enjoy it more and that having interventions would lead me to have all these things done to me and take away a nice birth experience.  I didn’t expect that in fact they might be what would be able to give me the nice birth experience.  I didn’t want Emma’s birth to be something I looked back on and felt traumatized by.  I also knew I was so tired from these close contractions that I didn’t think I’d have the energy to actually PUSH whenever that time came.  So for me, I felt like I did everything I could and tried my very best to have a natural labor and that I made the right decision when the time came to get an epidural.  I think it was around midnight or 1am when I got it, so it allowed me to finally rest some.  I never fully fell asleep I don’t think, but was close to it and was at least resting.  Craig and my mom fell asleep as well, and sweet Melissa stayed awake like the angel she is looking over everything!

Somewhere in the middle of the night my water broke and the nurse came in to verify that it was, in fact, amniotic fluid.  It was.  So I was hopeful this would help my labor continue to progress and I was just grateful I could no longer feel the contractions.  I can’t imagine them getting any worse than they were, and I’ve heard after your water breaks they go to another level.  So being numb at this point was a good thing.

A side note about my epidural- some people say this hurts more than labor.  I could not have had a more different experience. Maybe those people get the epidural really early on but the epidural is nothing compared to real labor contractions.  I had to ask them if they had even put it in!  I don’t even remember feeling it.  But I was having really strong contractions at this point, and had to sit up on the bed and hold still while they put it in.  Holding still while you’re having contractions that cause you to shake uncontrollably is very difficult but she placed the epidural no problem and I was grateful for it.  My right leg went totally numb but I could still feel and move my left leg just fine which was definitely a strange sensation, but I couldn’t feel my contractions anymore so that was the only thing that really mattered.

The epidural, however, did really slow down my labor which is common.  Around 7am or so they checked me and I was at 9cm.  At this point I had only dilated an additional cm throughout the night, so they asked if I’d want a little Pitocin to just get my uterus contracting a bit more to get me to 10cm.  I was so tired and ready to have this baby, and since I already had the epidural in place I figured a little bit of Pitocin to just push me over that edge for the final cm was a good plan.  They gave me the Pitocin and within an hour I was at 10cm and ready to push.  Around this time my nurses also changed shifts, so my sweet nurse, Charity, that had taken care of me all night came to say goodbye and wished us good luck!  She introduced us to Taylor who was taking over.  I was so lucky to have had two really amazing nurses take care of me!

They turned the lights on and Craig and my mom were behind me, and Melissa and Taylor helped hold my legs up while I pulled back against them during the contractions.  Pushing was basically 3 sets of 10 second-long pushes during 1 contraction.  Melissa and Taylor were such great coaches, Melissa helped count out the 10 seconds for me to push and Taylor gave me direction on how to push.  It is hard to know exactly what to do when you have the epidural since you can’t feel everything so this was helpful for me.  My mom and Craig encouraged me and Craig helped hold me up and pushed on my back during the contractions.  The pushing phase is both the biggest blur for me but also the moment that stood out the most, because it was still really intense but I was now using every ounce of strength I had to actively push Emma out.  It was undoubtedly the hardest physical thing I have ever done.

I think I pushed for about an hour before Dr. Stein came in, which made me feel like YAY I am getting close enough to where the doctor needs to come in!  I also have to say, Dr. Stein stayed 2 hours PAST her shift change so she could deliver Emma.  That meant so much to me I can’t explain it but it makes my eyes well up with tears just thinking about it.  I had really formed a strong trust and bond with her during our past 9 months of appointments and knew it would be a slim chance she’d deliver Emma, but of course she would have been my choice if I could have chosen.  The fact she stayed on when she could have gone home was so kind and I appreciated it more than anything.  You wouldn’t get that kind of care with everyone and I am just so so grateful for such an amazing person that took care of me and my baby during my pregnancy and also helped me bring my little love into the world!

I could barely open my eyes at all during all of this I was so worn out.  They kept asking me if I wanted to have the mirror so I could see my progress and I would say no because I was simply too tired to open my eyes, but eventually I just said okay.  I am glad I did because it did help give me motivation to keep going!  I continued to push and push, and was making minimal progress with each push.  It was happening, but just very slowly.  After another maybe 45 minutes or so I think Dr. Stein asked me if I wanted her to use the vacuum for a little extra suction and I said yes.  I knew I needed help…I was giving it my all but I was running on fumes.  So she helped me out and put the vacuum on while I would push and it helped Emma make more progress.  I will say though, I never thought about the vacuum and how it would feel…it hurts.  I think my epidural was wearing off towards the end because I was feeling my hips cramp up and the pressure that the vacuum was causing really hurt. But I think it may have been another 15 minutes or so (again, it’s all blurry so I could be really off on the timing) of pushing and the vacuum and I felt Emma’s head come out, and another couple of pushes and her body came out!!  After 20 hours of labor and about 2 hours of pushing.

I was so relieved she was out and was instantly so in love with this little baby they placed on my body!! She didn’t cry too much, just a few whines and she seemed really calm over all! They worked on cleaning her up and cleaning me up.  Dr. Stein started stitching me up.  She said I didn’t tear on the outside but had some internal tearing (I think that’s what she said, again, I was a little out of it) so she worked on that.  I could feel some sharp sensations from the needle maybe but the nurse just told me to focus on my baby and that really helped me not think about it.

Craig cut the cord after we did the delayed cord clamping and honestly besides that I’m not sure what else was going on! I just kept looking at Emma and crying and was so happy.

I’m so grateful to my entire care team at Atrium Health for the amazing care they gave me…Dr. Stein and my nurses Charity and Taylor.  I wish I could hug them right now so say thank you!  They were so positive and amazing and I just love them. My experience was not what I necessarily “planned” but it was perfect because they showed me respect and compassion and helped me make informed decisions. And then to my doula Melissa and of course my mom and my sweet husband.  They all really helped me get through the labor and I’m so grateful for each of them.

Emma Benson Carter | Born Sunday, July 21st, 2019 at 9:50am | 8lbs 4oz | 21.25 inches long

xo,

Bess